i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
