I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I love you. Go after that dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
