im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
