I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
