i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
