we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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