found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
