is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
