the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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