dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
