508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
