10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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