You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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