So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
