id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
