first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
