i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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