Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
