ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
