apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Randomize
