ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
