By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
