You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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