Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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