The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
