I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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