In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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