are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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