Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
