i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
