well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
