I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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