I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Welp...herpes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
