oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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