I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
