Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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