You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
