Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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