how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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