I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
