with your own penis?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The Olympian is in my bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
