Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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