He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
