party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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