Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
