I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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