During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
