hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
