he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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