Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
