I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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