I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
