Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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