saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
